


Start Over

by eb18490



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/M, Mentions of drug use and rehab
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-06
Updated: 2017-09-06
Packaged: 2018-12-24 17:06:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,817
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12017238
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eb18490/pseuds/eb18490
Summary: He's suddenly come back into her life, but she's not sure she wants to accept him with open arms. And then she has to fight to get him back.





	Start Over

**Author's Note:**

> This is a quick one shot I wrote once. Kinda long, though.

She stopped, almost dropping the coffee cup in her hands.

It wasn’t a hallucination from working two jobs. No. It wasn’t a hallucination because it was two in the morning. No. This was real. As real as what had happened four years ago. Painfully real.

“Please take this, Lexa.” Octavia managed, handing her the half finished order with shaking hands.

“Of course. You okay?”

“I’m fine.”

Lexa pursed her lips, but thankfully didn’t ask any more questions.

She quickly untied her apron with fumbling fingertips, placing it on a chair in the back room.

Her shift was almost over, anyway, and her boss wouldn’t mind her leaving ten minutes early. She picked up her sweatshirt and purse, opening and closing her fist.

He was there. Her ex-fiance. Outside. On the bench, waiting for her to finish her shift, just like he’d always done.

She took a deep breath, opening the coffee house doors into the night.

“Lincoln.” She said.

He turned around, looking startled. “Octavia.”

She took him in a moment. More buff, dark circles around his eyes, but he was still the same. Still Lincoln. Still home. Still broken.

“What the hell are you doing here?” She whispered, wrapping her arms around her to try to block herself from the cold night air.

“Here.” Lincoln took off his coat, trying to wrap it around her shivering frame. Even with her sweatshirt it was still freezing.

“No.” She jumped, away from him. “Answer me.”

“They released me.”

“After four years.”

“Said doing time did me good, too.”

“So, you just expect me to pick up where we left off?”

“Please. I have tried so hard- I thought I could do it. Maybe I can.”

“You think you can do what? Repair everything that’s happened to me in the last four years? Like hell you can.”

She began to walk to her old car, pulling the keys out of her purse.

“They cleared me, Octavia. I’m fine. I’m staying with Nyko close to here.”

“You have a criminal record now.” She hissed.

“Please, O. We can start over.”

“Like hell we can.”

Tears clouded her vision. It probably wasn’t safe to drive home like this; distraught and in the dark with tears in her eyes.

But still she drove on, those ten and three quarter miles it would take to get back home.

“Indra.” She managed, practically collapsing in the doorway.

The older woman stepped over from the kitchen, just in time to catch the girl as she collapsed to the floor.

“Octavia, what’s wrong?” Indra asked, trying to pick her up and get her to the couch.

“It- it’s Lincoln. He- he came back.” Octavia sobbed.

“My son?” Indra asked in disbelief.

“Yes.” She choked out.

“Okay.” Indra said, taking a deep breath to seemingly calm herself. “You need sleep. We will deal with this later.”

“Augustus is asleep, right?” Octavia asked, trying to wipe her tears. She couldn’t let him see her like this.

“Of course.”

Indra helped her make her way up the stairs. She was still shaking, although significantly less.

Octavia came to a stop outside the bedroom door, opening it slowly.

Her eyes slowly adjusted to the darkness of the room, and she carefully walked over to the small bed pushed up against the wall.

He was kind of small for a three year old.

Octavia kissed him gently on the forehead, stroking his head gently as he slept, arm curled around his stuffed elephant.

“G’night, momma.” He whispered, eyes still closed.

“‘Night, baby.”

“When’s daddy coming home?” Augustus asked, like he did every single night.

“He’s not feeling well, remember? But he’ll come home soon.” Octavia told him.

She turned and closed the door, heading to her room.

“Goodnight, Indra.”

“Are you sure you don’t need anything else?” Indra asked.

“Yes. Thank you.” Octavia watched as Indra made her way into her own bedroom.

Thank God Indra couldn’t hear her cry.

Loud, heart wrenching sobs that seemed to take over her entire body.

She didn’t want to love Lincoln anymore. Not after what he had done.

But it seemed to be like how a human needs to breathe, because she couldn’t stop loving him.

Almost four years ago, Lincoln had been caught by police. It was illegal drug use and possession, they said.

It had nearly made her pass out. The call in the middle of the night, saying he’d been found guilty of several charges and given two years in prison with two years of rehab, and then another two years of rehab after he was released.

She’d thought the drugs were behind him. He’d stopped using them when he fell in love with her. And then he’d started using them again, unknown to her, only months before his arrest.

She’d never forgive him for that.

Octavia changed into a pair of pajamas, curling up into a little ball on top of the covers.

~

Three weeks later, and she’d managed to bump into him so many times. At the supermarket, at the diner, in the street.

God. It was like some weird romantic movie. But it wasn’t romantic at all.

That night she’d managed to get an attractive man to pay for three of her drinks so far. What was his name, Atom? Or something like that?

There wasn’t that electric feeling when he brushed his hand against hers, though. Was that supposed to happen? God, she had to stop comparing other men to Lincoln.

“My son will probably be wondering where I am right now.” Octavia slurred, smoothing down her tight black dress.

“Don’t go.” The man said.

“I gotta.” Okay, maybe she was a bit drunk.

“You sure you don’t want to stay a little longer?” The man winked at her.

“I do, but I’m already late for his bedtime."

Octavia walked through the bar. It was almost twelve, and she wanted to get home before she was too tired to do so. She didn’t have such a high alcohol tolerance.

She wasn’t very steady on her feet and she stumbled forward, suddenly caught by a muscular man.

“Lincoln.” She slurred. “We always manage to meet up in the same places.”

“I got a job here.” He told her.

“Fancy."

“You should be getting home.”

“Took the bus.”

“It’s not safe to take the bus late at night and drunk.” Lincoln told her.

“I’m not drunk. You’re just a little swirly!” Octavia whispered.

“Come on.” Lincoln led her outside the bar and opened the passenger side door of his car. Huh, he’d managed to get it back after he came back to town.

“But I just found a nice guy and he bought me drinks.” Octavia complained. Okay, yes, she was drunk.

“You can find a nice guy some other time.” Lincoln made sure she was buckled and started the car’s engine.

“You know, you look like a nice guy.” Octavia slurred, poking Lincoln in the arm.

“That’s funny. Almost a month ago you didn’t seem to like me at all.”

“Oh, I always like you. I still love you. I wanna marry you, you know that?” Octavia said in a singsong voice.

“You don’t want to do that, Octavia.”

“Mhm. I do. I wanted to marry you since I met you when I was seventeen.”

“Octavia.”

“You know, he looks like you. He has your eyes. And he has my nose, and he has my mouth and his ears look like your ears and he looks like both of us.”

Lincoln pulled up into Indra’s driveway. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.” Lincoln said, looking confused.

“I do.” She nodded.

“You’re drunk, and you need to go to sleep.” Lincoln told her, helping her out of the car.

“But I wanna kiss you.” Octavia said, poking him in the chest.”

“If I let you do that you’d be horrified in the morning.”

“Nope. I love you, Lincoln.”

Lincoln managed to unlock the door with the key that Indra kept hidden in the drainage pipe. He helped her up the stairs, carefully opening her door so as not to wake his sleeping mother.

“Come.” Octavia tried to pull him into her room.

“No.”

“Come here.” Octavia slurred.

“Tae.”

“I dunno how to get my dress off.”

“Yes you do.”

“Help me.”

“Octavia.” Lincoln warned.

“I wanna kiss you.”

“Not now.”

“When I’m not drunk?” Octavia moved her head to one side.

“Maybe.”

There was a small noise on the other side of the door. Augustus. That slapped her out into reality again.

Shit. He shouldn’t have to see her like this.

She took a deep breath, trying to think rationally.

“Augustus, go back to sleep.” She whispered.

“Momma, who’s that?” He asked, clutching his elephant in his hand.

“Baby, go back to sleep, okay?” Her head felt like it was swimming.

Augustus thankfully listened, turning around and walking back into his room.

“You have a son.” Lincoln accused.

“Mhm.”

“Where’s his father?”

“You.” She stated.

Lincoln’s face paled. “I- this whole time you didn’t tell me? You never told me that I had a son? I’ve messed your life up, haven’t I. Left you alone and with a child.”

“Lincoln.”

Lincoln back pedaled. “You never told me because you didn’t want me messing up your life, didn’t you. I’m sorry, Octavia.”

“Come back.” She pleaded.

“Goodbye.”

“Come back, I need you!” She yelled after him.

The front door closed and she could hear him drive away.

~

The next morning she woke up with her head pounding. She remembered every single thing that had happened the night before. Every single thing.

Lincoln still had the same phone number, right?

Octavia fumbled for her phone, realizing that she still had last night’s clothes on.

She called him, but it went straight to voicemail.

“This is Octavia. I remember every single damn thing that happened last night. You wouldn’t help me take my dress off because you were afraid I would remember in the morning and you thought I’d be upset because I didn’t want you anywhere near me. But you couldn’t even stay when I told you the truth!

I needed you last night, and you weren’t there. You’re afraid you’re messing up my life now, but I wanted you there because you haven’t been there for the last four years.

You know what it’s like to have a kid when you’re barely twenty one? My brother wanted me to move across the country with him but I said no, because I still had hope and I was waiting for you. I waited. I waited even when people told me it was useless and that you were just a guy who’d screwed me over because you were five years older and an irresponsible human being.

I need you, Lincoln. So don’t you dare run away from me again.”

She hung up the phone angrily, throwing it back onto the mattress.

“Momma?” The little voice said from the doorway.

“Yes?” Her expression softened around Augustus.

“Are you working today?”

“No, it’s my day off.” Octavia told him. “You want to make pancakes?”

“Yeah.”

“Let me change and we’ll go downstairs, okay?”

Augustus nodded, running off with his stuffed elephant in his hand.

~

It’d been a few days since that phone call.

“You going?” Lexa asked her as she wiped the counters in the coffee shop.

“Yeah.”

“You bringing Augustus anytime soon? I’m going to make chocolate chip cookies on Monday and I’m gonna need a taste tester.” Lexa smiled.

“I’ll tell him. He’ll be ecstatic.”

Octavia grabbed her things from the back room, bidding both Lexa and Clarke goodbye.

“Lincoln.” She said, seeing the figure on the bench when she left.

“I got your message.” He told her, hands in his pockets.

“Took you a couple of days.”

“I’ve been thinking.”

Octavia raised her eyebrows. “‘Bout what?”

“What I should do with my life.”

“Kiss me.” Octavia demanded.

“What?”

“Kiss me.”

“That’s what you’d said that night after the bar.” Lincoln told her. “I didn’t let you because I knew you’d regret it.”

“I’m not going to regret it. Please, Lincoln. First it was me that turned you away. I’ve needed you the whole time.” She pleaded.

“I’m not doing that to you again.”

“It was you that said you could do better; that you were okay.”

“But what if I turn back into that again? I can’t do that. Leave you again. It’s better if I just don’t pick up the pieces with you and Augustus. I’ll leave now and you can forget I ever came back.”

It hit her like a bullet.

“I need you. Augustus needs you. Every night he asks when his father’s going to come home. Every night I tell him his father’s going to come home soon; he’s just not feeling well. What happens if I keep telling him that, that his dad is never coming home?”

Lincoln was silent.

“Kiss me. If you do and you feel nothing but regret, then leave. But if you do and the tiniest sliver of hope comes, then stay.”

Lincoln didn’t object.

Octavia stood on her tiptoes, putting her hands around his neck. She pressed her lips to his, kissing him soundly, pleading.

Lincoln returned the kiss, and then it was just the two of them in the world for a moment, until he broke away.

“Well?” Her eyes filled with tears. She had missed that so much.

“I can’t.”

Lincoln turned and walked to his car, taking one last look at her and then driving away.

“You are a coward, Lincoln Woods!” She cried, sinking to the ground next to her car.

Lincoln was a coward. A liar. He was never going to stay. He just wanted that last kiss and then he was picking up and leaving.

He didn’t care that she still loved him.

She punched the side of her car with loud, shaking sobs.

There was the patter of feet on the concrete, and Lexa’s arms held her protectively.

“It’s okay, Octavia. It’s going to be okay.”

“He left!” She yelled. “He left me!”

“Shh. Calm down. Take deep breaths.”

“He left!” Octavia yelled.

Clarke ran out of the coffee shop. “What’s wrong?”

“He left me and he’s not coming back and I just want to go home.” She cried.

“Okay, we’ll take you home."

“What happened?” Lexa asked.

“I wanted him to stay. I asked him to kiss me so maybe he’d stay but then he left!” She sobbed.

“Octavia, you need to calm down.” Clarke said. “We’ll drive you home.”

“He left. He’s never coming back.”

Lexa and Clarke struggled to lift her off the ground and place her in the backseat.

Octavia cried all the way back to the house.

“What happened?” Indra asked as she met the three at the front door.

“She started crying about someone leaving and she didn’t look like she could drive herself home.” Clarke explained.

“He left!” Octavia sobbed, flinging herself into Indra’s arms.

Indra’s grip turned stiff. “Lincoln left?”

~

After Lexa and Clarke had left, Indra and Octavia collapsed to the couch.

Indra still didn’t drop her rock solid composure, but she looked like without it she’d break into a thousand pieces.

“He’s gone.” Octavia said.

“He told me he was trying to put his life back together.” Indra said in disbelief.

“Momma?” Augustus asked, coming into the living room. “Are you okay?”

Octavia held her arms out and Augustus crawled into her arms.

“Remember when I said daddy’s sick?”

Augustus nodded.

“Daddy can’t come back. I’m sorry.”

Augustus wrapped his arms around her neck. “It’s okay, mommy. You have me.”

 

~One year later~

There was a knock on the door, slightly unusual for nine at night.

Octavia put down her book, heading downstairs.

Her feet hit the cold wood, making her more and more awake every second.

She pulled the curtain away from the window and her eyes adjusted to the darkness outside.

He was back.

She flung open the door, a cool wind blowing her hair behind her.

“You came back.”

“I’m staying this time.” He told her. "I've figured it out."

“I don’t believe you.” She crossed her arms.

He moved closer, startling her for a second, but kissed her soundly on the lips.

It was welcomed, something she had missed.

“Do you still love me?” Lincoln asked after Octavia pulled away.

“I have never stopped loving you. Fuck, every time I told myself to forget you you’d just work your way back into my mind.”

Lincoln smiled sadly.

“I still love you too, Octavia. And I’m sorry."

Someone began to walk downstairs.

“Momma?” She heard Augustus ask.

“Yes, baby?”

“Who’s that?” Augustus pointed to Lincoln.

“Daddy came back.” Octavia smiled. “He came back for you."

“He’s better?”

“Yes.” Lincoln said.

It felt like her heart was going to explode with happiness when Augustus ran into Lincoln’s arms, hugging him tightly.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm going to have a weird posting schedule. School's starting tomorrow, and I'm going to have a lot of crap that needs to be done. I have some new ideas for fan fictions because I just finished reading so many books this summer. (Delirium, The Stand, American Gods, etc...)  
> Also, I have a quick two part story that I'm going to put up on Saturday and Sunday. Just a warning, people die.


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